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(2 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

[27 Jul 2003|05:57pm]
YeloBrkRdMnchKn add me NOW!!!!!!!! if you havn't.

(give the patient a pill)

IF YOU LOVE ME THIS IS IMPORTANT! [24 Jul 2003|08:19pm]
i changed my name to http://www.livejournal.com/users/yelobrkrdmnchkn/ in case anyone cares....so add me if you love me.

(2 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt. [24 Jul 2003|05:19pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Today has been the longest day in the history of all days. Considering i have only been up for 5 hours. I have already done 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the bathroom (scowered toilet, wipped down mirrors, swept and moped floor, and scrubbed bathtube/showertiles) swept and mopped kitchen and living room (hard wood floors guys) and took myself a shower.

I am currently bored out of my mind contimplating if my load of laundry is done so i can stick another one in. Then i shall fold my clothes, because this is what I do, this is my life and boy....how i love it.

I am tired.
I want to go back to sleep.

Is it bad when you have only been up 5 hours and you already want to go back to sleep.

I think i should play my guitar...i havn't done that in a long while.

I need to go add about 100 people to me friends list...because i recently discovered a whole nother race of people who had lj's.

Ok i shall go now.

(1 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Spinning Head [23 Jul 2003|08:30pm]
[ mood | blank ]

what the fuck.

I have been having a good week, i guess.

Highlights: meeting Elise...she be cool yo, getting Jamie a tatoo, hanging out in Sana Barbra, Sleeping at Cody's house, Huricane Harbor with the fam, finally talking my dad into letting me go to washington.

Downfalls: April exclaiming she will never speak to me again, fighting with my dad to let me go to washington, cleaning, and STILL having to do my laundry.

i need to clean tomorrow and start doing laundry so i have clean clothes for Washington.

um......i am supposed to go out with julie right now.

i don't know what the hell is going on yo.


(give the patient a pill)

camping trip....why SURE! [20 Jul 2003|11:16pm]
[ mood | content ]

out of the blue...Jamie and I went to Ventura to camp. It was fun Highlights because i am to tired to write them in my own words can be found on http://www.livejournal.com/users/leolit/ lj.....thank you that is all...good night loves

life is good. I thought this while floating along side Jamie in the ocean. And even now. *smiles and sighs*

(1 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

HA AND I DIDN'T CHEAT JAMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [14 Jul 2003|04:26pm]
[ mood | SMILES (love for Johnny) ]

jack sparrow
You are Captain Jack Sparrow! He's played by Johnny
Depp. Jack Sparrow is the ex-captain of the
Black Pearl. He's a little, well, crazy. He
likes fancy hats and rum, and he wants his ship

Which Character From "Pirates of the Caribbean" Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(1 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

realization [13 Jul 2003|02:32am]
[ mood | amused ]

(yes this happens at 2:30 in the am)

When you are young the people you seemingly "hook up with" ask "how many boyfriends have you had?" dot dot dot...possible giggle "how many people have you made out with?"

This does not happen when you reach say 18.

Now the question changes and there is no giggle.
"how many people have you slept with?"

just a thought I was having.
And the anwer could make or brake the way people perceve you....why is this? it shoudln't be that way.

Good bye.

(6 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

"He's A Bad Mutha," "Shut Yo Mouth" (only Melvin) [12 Jul 2003|06:37pm]
[ mood | content ]

I am going to the United Artist today and applying for a job. I think it will be great fun. Vinnie works there it will be mass amounts of controversie or just him and I ignoring one another. Good times.

I worked today and I must say I am completley ready for quiting now.
Moving on...working at the UA....Hopefully.

I want to go to the beach.

I got 3 free tickets for people to go to Magic Mountain and Or Huricane Harbor with me....anyone want to go? Me in a bikini, sounds tempting, right?

Today a baby bird that was born above my game decided it was a good day to learn to fly. He flew right into my game and sat on the counter. I pet him and he cherped at me. I named him Melvin. He is my friend. He eventually flew away after about 20 minutes of me loving him and calling him cute (and Melvin...maybe he didn't like his name) I said my goodbyes let out a welp and a single tear rolled down my cheek as little Melvin flew into the trees above my station. Huray! They grow up so quickly.

I want to go out and do something fun tonight. No one is home. Shannon is and we agreed upon maybe doing something.....but I don't know what we are going to do, or even if we are. Tomorrow I work close so I can stay out late tonight and not have to worrie about being sleep deprived in the morning.

Anyone want to come kidnap me for the night?


I love you all. I must go now.

(give the patient a pill)

could it be? [11 Jul 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I just realized the meaning of life.
It is much more simple than I thought it would be.

It is to live.

Plane and simple. Not to just be breathing and to make a lame attempt at accepting that you are alive by doing so and nothing more. Just to be happy. To live FULLY, I guess would be a better discription.
People who sit on their ass all day playing their computer games because it makes them feel important and happy, that is living. Not to me. Not to many of you, no that is not living. But if you do something and it completes you, if at that moment you could die and be TRULEY happy, then I would say that you lived buddy.
To me living is being with those I love. Yucking it up at the stupidest jokes and doing random shit like (example: the other day we went to Ragtime Cowboy a shop owned by an extrodinary man named Joe. I put on this ventage swim suit and it complemented me, so I through on my sunglasses walked outside and started waving to people driving down the street, they got a kick out of it, and so did I. Jamie thought it was hilarious, and we all had a good time. It was good, and moments like that I feel like I am living.) Yesterday I sat in Cody's room all day. I helped him clean it. We watched a total of 3 movies, poored cold water on eachother and the bed, smoked and hung out. And some people they would not consider that a full day, a day of living. But to me, because it was what I wanted to do....I felt full-filled. Cody was the only one that mattered at this time and I was happy, I lived.

Ok new topic. I will be leaving now with my love Jamie. I have been spending emmence amounts of time with her and have grown to absoloutley love her. I will be going now. I hope my thoughts didn't bore that crap out of you all.

I part with this advice.
Today do something that makes you happy, and think to yourself, I have found the meaning of life!

(4 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Can't I just be interesting? [27 Jun 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | couldn't feel better ]

Today I felt like a movie star. I wore my bikini (scary thought) and my big Audre Hepburn sunglasses and drove around in Jamie's convertible. It was fun. We spent the majority of the day at hansen damn, where we layed out in the sun, swam in the dirty water, and contemplated making love to the life guard named Nick.

I have decided I want to go on an adventure. I want to have fun. Break into somewhere (like the zoo), clime fences (without getting caught in them or falling), rescue animals that are being experimented on, get kidnapped, and maybe if I'm lucky accidentally murder someone and have to slyly cover up the tracks.

I have to think big. I want to dream. I want to live my dreams.

This is what keeps me going. DREAMS. Fabulous word. Someday I will do the things I dare to think up.

someone kidnap me, please use cloraphome...I have always wondered about that.

(2 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

[26 Jun 2003|12:10pm]
[ mood | tummy ache ]

Happy Deathday!
Your name:munkeyluver
You will die on:Tuesday, May 11, 2027
You will die of:Spider Bite
Created by Quill

I want to get out of the house. It smells like paint. I am never home so now that I am everyone wants to know everything I have been doing lately. I feel like slaping them all in the face. I wish my mom wouldn't come into whatever room I am in and lean over my shoulder and stare at me like 1/2 away from my face. I wish I could not eat when I am home. I get all bored, it's not like I am eating good stuff either I just had ice cream and a candy bar. That is fucking disgusting. Someone help me! Someone come get me! I want to leave the paint fumes behind and escape into the blissful land of second (or first) hang smoke. Bump. Alright I will contacts, shower?, makeup, dress, then attempt to leave my hell. Someone please aid me?!!!!!

(4 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

The Graduation and After Math [20 Jun 2003|04:51pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I always imagined that my graduation would be something great. It was in a way. To me it was one of the most significant events of my life. To the spectating family and friends, it was un-organized and rowdy. I don't care. I never wanted my graduation to be anymore then a whole bunch of kids excited to get out into the world. (So excited that they find it hard to sit through the reamining ceremony.)So many thoughts running through everyones mind, yet somehow everyone is thinking the same things. "I will miss my friends and this school, life is moving on." "I'm scared!" "What will life be like now?" "How much FUCKING longer could this ceremony be?" It's all a bunch of mixed up minds. I almost said adolesent.....but scary thing is, we are supposeidley grown up now. My mom and Grandma cried through the whole ceremony. My friend Ray was there dressed in his marine uniform. I didn't see him afterwards, only from a distance. I wanted so bad to get up and run to him and hug him and tell him I am so happy he is home from Japan. Somehow I lost him in the crowd when it came time for that part. The people were crazy. Near the end parents, friends and siblings were lind up along the football field edge ready to attack. The cannons of confeti shot off (and scared the crap out of me, because I forgot that was going to happen) and then they were off. People were running knocking others over, trying to get to their graduates. It was madness. I loved it!
After I got cried on and loved on and hugged and taken pictures of. I went to my house, had some pie. Then went to Katy and Amelia's just to say "hi". Then I was off to Grad Nite.
I took a stacker 3 which is basically over the counter speed, totally legal, yet scary. It was funny me and Aaron were bouncing off the walls (he took one too.)
The bus ride there was fun. I talked to Sean Locke the whole way there. He's a cool guy. I couldn't stop talking. It was even annoying me.:) I stayed awake the WHOLE time. I didn't even get too tired. I was suprised. Probably had something to do with the stacker 3 I took. I gave one to Dyron. I don't think it did anything for him. We danced at every club. We saw and I talked to this band called Surburban Legands, they fucking rocked! They put on such a good show. We got a whole room of people to start dancing (that was one of my favorite parts.) And Aaron and I basically decided we were the luckiest people there, because there was no fucking way any of them could have had as much fun as we did! It was the best.
On the ride home everyone was asleep. I sat next to Sean and I kept falling on him because my head bobbled around and around on the seat. Then I would wake up and quickly readjust myself so I wasn't laying on him (Though he did say he didn't care if I did.) But the back of the bus is like really effing bumpy and it hurts when you are laying on someones boney shoulder. Anyways.
Today I fell asleep around 8:30 or 9:00am or something. I slept til' three. I have been on the comp for likean hour now. I am tired and want to go get coffee with Aaron, which is exactly what I plan to do after I am done here.
So that means I am done here. :)
Congradulations to all other graduates WE FINALLY DID IT!

(give the patient a pill)

[20 Jun 2003|04:12pm]
Magic Number8
JobLeader of the Free World
PersonalitySunshine And Blue Skies
TemperamentSweet Natured
SexualIf I Have To
Likely To WinThe Booker Prize
Me - In A WordChinny
Brought to you by MemeJack

(3 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

few and far between? [18 Jun 2003|04:29am]
[ mood | has it changed? doubtful ]

i want a cigarrette. I am not even relaly tired it's odd. But i do wish I that I have company on my insanity trip to never never land. I think I might go lay down. Where the FUCK is Amelia? It's been way more then a couple of hours, i need company. The silence of this house is un-nerving. I feel as though something is just going to jump out or someones going to start screaming and even thinking about that in such deafaning silence seriously scares the living shit out of me. My heart would stop. Perhaps I should just crawl in bed next to katy for a little while. I don't want to go to sleep though. To me getting no sleep at all is better then getting like 2 hours, which is how long I would be able to sleep before having to get up for school. So yeah....we'll see what happens. Hmmmm I guess I should get off the comp now since jason isn't really talking and I am done fucking around with my lj settings and crap. Alright, later then.

(1 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

[16 Jun 2003|06:00pm]
so much shit is going on. So much that I don't have enough time to write about it. For now the quote of my life is "no comment" if you care keep up with my posts they will be few and far between.

(6 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

hard time being alive without being analytical [11 Jun 2003|10:25am]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I can't believe how many people there are in the world. And somehow we are all linked together. There is a vast amount of space, up there, stars, planets, etc.how could no one occupie it? that is an aweful wasate of space if you ask me.
I keeping thinking about everyone I know. How my friend Chris at work lives down the street from shannon's ex boyfriend tim and went to school with her sister. How he also knows Erica. How niqui and I were good friends in 6 and 7th grade then drifted apart and now we work together and we are getting closer again (which rocks my world cause I am in love with her.) How when I first started talking to Cody the one person he knew from my area in which I live went to school with me and happened to be a friend of mine (she is also his cousin.)There are so many other things that link everyone I know right back to where I started...but there aren't many I can think of right now. Tara I know you can relate, that one night at the Big JC's party where everyone their mother and their girlfriends showed up. Weird right?
I don't know sometimes I think way to hard about life and the way things work. I thik "what if the guy I am supposed to marrie was in my 9th grade bioligy class and I don't remember him. But then I meet him when I go to college and we start all over and fall in love." "What if this person is someone I have known my whole life and never even thought of that way until we get older." "what if I am really a lesbian and fall in love with a women, what a fun explanation to tell my parents" I have all of these what ifs and who knows flowing back and forth in my head. Times like this I give myself a headache.
I wish that I could tell the future and be able to help myself along the way but, no one can, we learn as we go. But then when I say that I think "learn as we go, what about re-destination? what about God pre defining and setting everything in our lives? what if their is really no choice but only what we have been programed to live out?" "do I really believe that...no I don't."
Why do I feel utterly crazy sometimes. My brain is racked and My heart is filled with so much depression and hate and hunger for something greater. I want to be great....but can't figure out how. Obstacles, we all have them. I am tired. I want to sleep. What if I am insane? I think that sometimes. I scare myself. When I don't sleep and I hear things and see things and do things that I read are leagally insane. I say things sometimes....they just don't make any sense. I feel like I need to "find" myself. My true self. I feel as though this person I am the personality I portray is only a character, only a fictional character. You know how sometimes you will be reading a book and then you will think to yourself "I hate this character, I wish they would die!" that is how I think of myself. Not that me as a whole, my body and soal would die. But this character that I hate. The part of me that when I listen to my voice recorded makes my skin crawl. I want to love myself. I do! But first I must kill this piece of me that I hate so much. I want to be the true me. Under the propoganda. Under the things I have been sold and brought up and taught to believe. I need to grow my own mind. I hope you all will take the time to read this. I don't know it's just thoughts. I guess I don't really care if you have an oppinion or not on the subject of me. But It feels good when people read what you wrote and make profound coments in reply to it. I love you all.

(4 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Art and Nerves [10 Jun 2003|09:20pm]
[ mood | obsessed ]

So I have been madly crushing on this very sexy long haired boy named Michael Woodruff...even his name is sexy. I had my friend Amelia talk to him today, it's not important what she said exactly but his response was "oh". At first I was very upset at this...then I found something out. Apparently he has a girlfriend and Heather forgot to tell me. That could have saved me a LOT of embarressment. Oh well life goes on and I porbably will never see him again anyways.
As for my other obsession, my lead at work. Well he got his braces off this last weekend. Awww his smile is even better now. I need to not obsess over anything. It will only lead to dissapointment.
I want someone to obsess over me. I want some hot sexy long haired boy to like me and we can fall in love and run away together.
Anyways. School= 1 week and 3 days left to go.
I can't wait till I graduate.
I got an art award tonight. It was cool. I went up on stage in front of a whole bunch of people I don't know. And Navarro kissed me on the cheek, while the audience of fellow classmates gasped in a taunting ooooooooo. It was fabualous. This awards ceremony is where the talking to Michael went on...I was pointed out to him from the stage by Amelia. I love how he said "oh" he should have said "she's cute but I have a girlfriend." damn. Ok *slaps herself in face* stop obsessing.
On another note. I am moving in with Amelia and Katy, I am just going to come over every single day and before they know it they will be like "there was a time when we didn't know you? How odd, I remember no such thing."
They are the root of my happiness. Who needs boyfriends when you can have a couple of sisters. ;) Sexy, no?
I'll be back soon.

(give the patient a pill)

Anger Rising [04 Jun 2003|04:46pm]
[ mood | calm and acking ]

I didn't get much sleep the last two days, yet surprisingly I feel better. I think my body is growing accustomed to my ansomniac ways.
I am angry, not quite sure why. I have a short fuse and need to do my homework for my EKG class and study. I will suclude myself for an hour or two to get this done.
Tonight I church. It will be fun. Comedic. I will giggle and perhaps fold over in a heave of laughter, but mainly giggling I am sure.
I want to go to work. I feel like I live there now. I love my people and I love my area I just hate center ring. But once Amanda quits I don't think we will be dealing much with center ring anymore. Aaron moved up to mining town. Good thing? Bad thing? Good for him. Bad for me. I will feel like I have to protect him if everyone ends up hating him, but I don't want to fight with my firends from work. Hopefully he behaves.
Anyways. I church now. Leaving and doing homework alone then church start and I hang out. Ok child like behavior. I want a lolly pop. Have sweet sugary nights of loving lumpkins my little sheep.

(8 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Shooting Self In Face....Looking Better And Better [02 Jun 2003|12:32pm]
[ mood | drained ]

Last night I wanted to tell Six Flags to suck it, hard, long and good. Work is evil. Not my area in which I work but the one which is referred to as Center Ring. This is the big game section, the one by Gotham city, the one that everyone knows where it is. Wow so my reason for wanting to step on the ants (people) at work is because of this...
Yesterday Aaron and Myself got off of work at 9:45 Amanda (who is 18 and legally an adult)had to do enventory and stay on the clock untill 10:40. This pissed me off because Amanda was getting a ride with us and we had to wait anyways so why effing take us off the clock? But the part that really REALLY pissed me off was the fact that I was helping Amanda stack her animals so she could count them for enventory and they told me I couldn't help. Because I was off the clock and the cameras were off in the game I might have "stolen something". I was so pissed. I didn't get homw untill 11:45 last night because Amanda's supervisors suck ass, big wet juicy ass. This would never have happened in my area, Mining Town. They are way to cool, they would have let 1 adult go so 2 minors could get home on time. Anyways...that is my rant.
Today I slept in, my dad let me. I had the worst cramps and was dieing. So i popped 4 IBprofen and went back to sleep. I need to get back on the pill cause everything is all fucked up with my body now. It's all off. I am so tired....still. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. I believe I had a mini siezer the other day at work. I was working a race game for 4 hours and then when I went on my break finally I was sitting there and my whole face starting with my eyes started twitching and then it went into my right arm. I couldn't control it. Then I blacked out for a second and then I shook my head and I was alright. It was really strange. I think there is something wrong with me.
This week I can't really go anywhere, I have to study for my EKG test I have on friday so I can get that job in the fall. Wow I feel so stressed I need a vacation.
On that note, next week someone please go to the beach with me. I need to go. It's not a want it's a NEED! Because I crave it, and I need it to survive my hell. It's where I feel safe and at home. Beach, anyone wanna come?

(5 diagnosisdiagnoses | give the patient a pill)

Rest me, please [29 May 2003|11:26am]
[ mood | I am dead ]

I am the Siren

A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

I wish people would follow me to a watery death. There are many that I would willingly hold their hand and swim with them and then when it was deep enough let go and let die.
Last night our new motto for church became "let go, and let god" This was said by pastor Peter. It was the senior ceremony. He was addressing the parents in the room when exlaiming our new motto. "let go, and let God" meaning our parents have to let go of us now and let God take over from here. I think it actually awoke something new in my dad. I think me and him are going to have a better relationship from now on. I know once I move out everything will be fabulous. But that won't be for a while.
I am so tired. I feel as though I havn't been sleeping at night but waking up somewhere else and wandering around all night. Like I live one life here and one life there and I never actually really sleep. As though another person or thing takes over my body and plays with it like a puppet all night then quickly shelves me before dawn. I don't feel rested, I don't feel healthy and I don't feel sane or even coherant. I need sleep. At least tomorrow I don't have school, well I mean I am not going. But I am going to a class at my moms work so I can get a job there after I turn 18. One this friday and one next friday. So tomorrow, class 8:00-5:00, home, dress, work 7:15-12:15. Yeah I think I need to go to bed early tonight for this day that will be happening tomorrow.

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